有時「知道一切」反而一無所知──SOMETIMES ‘KNOW-IT-ALLS’ KNOW NOTHING
你常認為自己知道一切,對嗎?也許你不會那樣說(我也不會),但我們通常都只會相信自己的看法。即便你看到這樣的文章,你也會根據自己的信念、經歷和你所看重的事來衡量我所說的。這並不總是錯的,但也絕對不總是對的,其實你應該已經知道的,對嗎?
聖經多次談到「過分相信自己」的看法。聖經中我最喜歡的一卷書-箴言,著重於智慧和愚昧。接近最後時,它拋出了一個重磅炸彈:「 你見自以為有智慧的人嗎?愚昧人比他更有指望。」(箴言26章12節)。簡而言之:過度相信自己是危險的事。某些自信對於過健康的生活是很重要的,但絕對不要過度自信。
聖經探討了人們因為過度自信而變得盲目的兩種不同形式:假冒為善和自我欺騙。以下是對兩者的看見:
假冒為善: Hypokrites是希臘語中「偽善的人」的意思,出現在新約中,它起源於古希臘的舞台。 Hypokrites 指的是在舞台上戴著面具的演員,字面意思是「藏在裡面的表演者」。偽善的人在舞台上表現出一張臉,但真正演員的臉則隱藏在裡面。
在耶穌的登山寶訓中,耶穌關注的問題之一是假冒為善。他警告說:提防那些為了獲得他人關注而施捨的人。或因為同樣的原因禱告或禁食的人。(馬太福音 6章1-18節)。這些偽善的人為了公眾的稱讚而公開行善。這麼做也許可以哄騙人一時,但永遠無法欺哄上帝,祂總是能看到面具背後的真相。
那你呢?你在生活中的哪個方面是在「演戲」呢?我們在「我是誰」和「我們渴望成為誰」之間總是存有差距,但在某些時候,我們會選擇戴上面具,而那樣的決定卻是危險的。
自我欺騙。在霍桑 1850 年的小說《紅字》中,他寫道:「人若用一張臉面對自己,而用另一張臉面對大眾,長期下來,最後他將無所適從,反而不知道哪一個是真實的自己。」你能想到任何例子嗎? 在新約的雅各書中,作者描述了一個照鏡子的人,他沒有看到眼前真實的自己;他看到的是一個有耐心、自我節制和通情達理的人(雅各書 1章22-25節)。問題是只有他自己認為自己是那樣;其他人卻可以揭開面紗看到真正的他。當一個人相信謊言時,自我欺騙就更難克服了。
有方法幫助假冒為善和自我欺騙的人嗎?我們都有盲點,如果我們能看見它們,它們就不會是盲點。好消息是我們可以訓練自己面對自己的盲點。以下是我發現有幫助的一些建議:
一、允許一些值得信賴的人談論你的生命:配偶、老闆、朋友或牧師。他們在「真實的你」和「你自認為的你」之間看到了什麼差異?你可能需要特別懇求他們的意見,而不是只給他們想到的時候才分享的自由。因為大多數人不喜歡扮演這樣的角色。
二、從你平常不會用的角度來聆聽和閱讀。訓練自己先傾聽,後批評。我的朋友馬克斯•安德森寫了一篇很棒的時事通訊,他總是以這樣一句話結尾:「廣泛的閱讀,聰明的閱讀。」我喜歡這句話。
三、留一些時間進行定期反思,問自己一些困難的問題。在過去的一週、一月、或一年當中,你何時帶了面具?你在哪些方面過度防衛?哪些領域可能存在盲點?你上次收到嚴厲的反饋已經是多久以前的事了?取下面具需要努力,但這是值得的。不要只認為自己很聰明,做一個有智慧的人吧。
史帝芬R. 格里夫氏博士(Dr. Stephen R. Graves)把自己描述為組織戰略家、實用神學家和社會資本家。他為高級主管、企業主以及年輕企業家提供諮詢服務。同時也是眾多書籍、文章的作者,和一位大眾演說家。他的網站是www.stephenrgraves.com
備註:如果你有聖經,想閱讀更多內容,請考慮以下的經文:(請查閱未列出的經文馬太福音7:1-5):
箴言 14章6、8節
14:6 褻慢人尋智慧,卻尋不著;聰明人易得知識。
14:8 通達人的智慧在乎明白己道;愚昧人的愚妄乃是詭詐(或譯:自欺)。
箴言 15章21節
15:21 無知的人以愚妄為樂;聰明的人按正直而行。
箴言 17章12、25節
17:12 寧可遇見丟崽子的母熊,不可遇見正行愚妄的愚昧人。
17:25 愚昧子使父親愁煩,使母親憂苦。
箴言 18章6-7節
18:6 愚昧人張嘴啟爭端,開口招鞭打。
18:7 愚昧人的口自取敗壞;他的嘴是他生命的網羅。
雅各書 1章5-8節
1:5 你們中間若有缺少智慧的,應當求那厚賜與眾人、也不斥責人的 神,主就必賜給他。
1:6 只要憑著信心求,一點不疑惑;因為那疑惑的人,就像海中的波浪,被風吹動翻騰。
1:7 這樣的人不要想從主那裏得甚麼。
1:8 心懷二意的人,在他一切所行的路上都沒有定見。
反省與問題討論
- 你是否曾經相信自己什麼都知道,後來卻發現並非如此?或者你在自我欺騙-相信自己是對的,但其實不然。如果有,請描述這種情況以及你從中學到了什麼。
- 當你遇到自認為知道一切的人時,你的反應是什麼?你是否覺得為難、受挫、不耐煩,甚至憤怒?你是否發現每天在工作或個人活動中遇到的許多人都在自我欺騙呢?
- 你是否同意偽善的人的定義是一個有兩張臉的人,外表一張臉,但內在卻大不同?解釋你的答案。
- 你認為允許某些可信賴的人,指出「真實的你」和「你自認為的你」不一致的難度有多大?努力真正傾聽和思考其他人觀點又有多難呢?
SOMETIMES ‘KNOW-IT-ALLS’ KNOW NOTHING
By Stephen R. Graves
You think you know it all, don’t you? You probably would not say it that way (and neither would I), but we all generally trust our own perceptions. Even with an article like this one, you measure what I say against what you believe, your experiences, and the things you value. That is not always wrong, but it is definitely not always right. But you already knew that, correct?
The Bible talks a lot about the idea of overly trusting ourselves. One of my favorite books in the Bible, Proverbs, focuses on wisdom and folly. Toward the end, it drops this bombshell, “Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him” (Proverbs 26:12). In short: Overly trusting yourself is dangerous. Some self-confidence is crucial to living a healthy life, but not overconfidence.
The Bible discusses two different ways in which people become blinded by their overconfidence in themselves: Hypocrisy, and self-deception. The following is a look at both:
Hypocrisy. Hypokrites, the Greek word for “hypocrite,” appears in the New Testament. It originates from the ancient Greek stage. Hypokrites refers to an actor wearing a mask on stage, literally, “an interpreter from underneath.” A hypocrite presents one face outwardly while the true actor hides beneath.
In His “Sermon on the Mount,” one of the things Jesus zeroed in on was hypocrisy. He warned, “Watch out for those who give money in order to gain attention from others. Or those who pray or fast for the same reason” (Matthew 6:1-18). These hypocrites were putting up appearances for public acclaim. It may fool people for a time, but it never fools God, who can always see behind the mask.
What about you? Where in your life are you acting? We all have gaps between who we are and who we aspire to be, but there are areas where we choose to wear a mask. Those decisions are dangerous.
Self-Deception. In his 1850 novel, The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote, “No man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.” Can you think of anyone this describes?
In the New Testament’s book of James, the author describes a person who looks in the mirror and genuinely does not see the person in front of them; they see someone who is patient, self-controlled, and reasonable (James 1:22-25). The problem is they alone see themselves as that person; everyone else sees through the veil. Self-deception is much harder to outgrow when one becomes convinced of a lie.
Is there help for the hypocrite and self-deceived? We all have blind spots. If we could see them, they wouldn’t be blind spots. The good news is we can train ourselves to turn toward our blind spots. Here are some suggestions I have found helpful:
1. Give a few trusted people permission to speak on your life: a spouse, boss, friend, or pastor. What disconnect do they see between who you are and who you say you are? You might have to specifically solicit their opinion and not just give them the freedom to share whenever they want to. Most people just don’t like playing that role.
2. Listen to and read from perspectives you wouldn’t normally encounter. Train yourself to listen first and critique later. My friend, Max Anderson, writes a great newsletter that he always ends with the phrase, “Read widely. Read wisely.” I love that phrase.
3. Carve out some time for regular reflection. Ask yourself the hard questions. Where have you faked it over the past week/month/year? Where have you been overly defensive? In what areas might you have blind spots? How long has it been since you last received hard feedback? It takes work to remove the mask, but it is worth it. Don’t just consider yourself to be wise. Be wise.
Dr. Stephen R. Graves describes himself as an organizational strategist, pragmatic theologian, and social capitalist. He advises executives and business owners, as well as young entrepreneurs. He is author of numerous books and many articles, and a public speaker. His website is www.stephenrgraves.com.
Reflection/Discussion Questions
- Can you think of a time when you were convinced you knew it all, only to discover later that you did not? Or perhaps you were self-deceived, convinced you were right when you were not. If so, describe that situation and what you learned from it.
- What is your reaction when you encounter a “know-it-all”? Do you experience annoyance, frustration, impatience, even anger? Do you find that many people you encounter every day, at work or in your personal activities, are self-deceived?
- Do you agree with the definition of the word “hypocrite” as someone who is two-faced, who presents one “face” outwardly but is very different on the inside? Explain your answer.
- How difficult would you find it to give certain trusted individuals permission to point out inconsistencies in who you truly are and who you say that you are? What about making an effort to genuinely listen to and consider other perspectives or points of view?
NOTE: If you have a Bible and would like to read more, consider the following passages: Proverbs 14:6,8, 15:21, 17:12,25, 18:6-7; Matthew 7:1-5; James 1:5-8
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