過於輕率溝通的危險── ALL TOO EASY PITFALLS OF COMMUNICATION

MONDAY MANNA

我在大學教授商業溝通時,經常定義「溝通」是「成功的交流意思」。在現代通信科技的「進步」下,要達成清楚且有效的溝通,似乎比以往更加挑戰。

幾週前,我的鄰居亨利向我發送了一條訊息,告訴我他和家人週末要出城,問我可否偶爾檢查一下他的房子,以確保沒有陌生的汽車停在他家。我告訴他沒問題。

大約一週後,我給亨利發了一封短信,開玩笑地說:「你不在時,我一直盯著你的房子看,沒人打擾過它。希望你旅途愉快。」我沒有收到他的回音,不過幾天後我再次發短信:「對不起,我們最近沒有機會聯繫。不過我有看到你開車去上班或回家。希望我們能很快聚在一起聊聊。」依然沒有得到回覆。

不久之後,我決定打電話給亨利,讓他知道我和我的妻子要出城了,問他是否願意在我們不在時照看一下我們的房子。是一位女士接了電話,我問她是不是亨利的太太「凱西」?她回答不是,反問我是誰?我解釋說,我本來想打電話給自己的鄰居。

接聽電話的女士回應:「這不再是他的電話了。亨利換工作時,我接收了他的舊工作和工作用的電話。」後來我得到了這位鄰居的正確電話號碼。不過回想自己以前發送的短信,我不知道收到這些短信的女士會有什麼想法:「我一直盯著你的房子看……希望你旅途愉快。」「我看到你開車去上班或回家……」哇!我不認識的那位女士會不會以為我是個跟蹤狂?

我真希望這類混亂的事不常發生,但也認為處於這個數位時代,當我們幾乎不加思索就匆忙發送簡訊、電子郵件和訊息時,它會變得越來越普遍。這使我想到一些輕率溝通的危險,這些危險甚至可以追溯到聖經時代:

話語太多,思考太少。我們在脫口秀節目、新聞報導中、以及任何的社交媒體上都曾聽過,人們很想說話,卻不願意思考所說的話可能造成的影響。「多言多語難免有過;禁止嘴唇是有智慧。」(箴言10章19節)

說得太多,聽得太少。很多人都不願意聽別人說,只是在等對方變安靜,讓自己有機會說話。「我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的。但你們各人要快快地聽,慢慢地說,慢慢地動怒,」(雅各書1章19節)

傷害太多,醫治太少。各式各樣的訊息轟炸我們,有時無心之過也會造成傷害。當我們試圖表達自己的想法,導致錯誤的溝通發生時,我們大多數的人都必須學會快快道歉,甚至承認犯錯,說「對不起」。「說話浮躁的,如刀刺人;智慧人的舌頭卻為醫人的良藥。」(箴言12章18節)

© 2020. Robert J. Tamasy 是企業巔峰: 給今日職場從箴言而來永恆的智慧 一書的作者。也與導師之心的作者David A. Stoddard 合著Tufting Legacies。編輯多本著作包括Mike Landry. Bob的書: 透過苦難成長。Mike Landry. Bob的網站為www.bobtamasy-readywriterink.com, 他的雙週部落格為: www.bobtamasy.blogspot.com

  注意:如果你有聖經,希望閱讀更多,請考慮以下的經文:

箴言10章20-21節
10:20 義人的舌乃似高銀;惡人的心所值無幾。
10:21 義人的口教養多人;愚昧人因無知而死亡。

箴言11章13節
11:13 往來傳舌的,洩漏密事;心中誠實的,遮隱事情。

箴言12章13節
12:13 惡人嘴中的過錯是自己的網羅;但義人必脫離患難。

箴言13章3節
13:3 謹守口的,得保生命;大張嘴的,必致敗亡。

箴言15章1、4節
15:1 回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。
15:4 溫良的舌是生命樹;乖謬的嘴使人心碎。

箴言16章21節
16:21 心中有智慧,必稱為通達人;嘴中的甜言,加增人的學問。

箴言18章21節
18:21 生死在舌頭的權下,喜愛它的,必吃它所結的果子。

 箴言21章23節
 21:23 謹守口與舌的,就保守自己免受災難。 

反省與問題討論

  1. 你是否曾在試圖與他人的溝通過程中經歷過尷尬或令別人尷尬的錯誤?(無論你是發送訊息或是接收訊息的人) 如果有,後來造成了什麼影響嗎?
  2. 由於通信技術的進步,現代人和人溝通時出現了哪些新問題?它們如何影響你或你工作場所中的其他人?
  3. 在一個言語比以往任何時候都豐富的時代,我們要如何才能學會對溝通的內容進行更多的控管和克制?要如何做到?
  4. 四、對很多人來說,最難說出口的一句話是:「對不起。」即使不是故意的,知道自己犯錯了道歉,對你來說很難嗎?你認為為什麼人們很難道歉並承認自己所說的是錯的?

ALL TOO EASY PITFALLS OF COMMUNICATION

By Robert J. Tamasy

 Communication, as I often defined it when I taught college classes in business communications, is “the successful exchange of meaning.” With all the “advances” in modern communication technology, it seems the challenge of accomplishing that – communicating clearly and effectively – is more difficult than ever.

Some weeks ago, one of my neighbors, “Henry,” sent me a social media message telling me that he and his family were going out of town for the weekend, and asked if I would check occasionally to make certain no unfamiliar cars stopped at his home. I told him I would do so.

A week or so later, I sent Henry a text, kiddingly stating, “I kept an eye on your house while you were gone. No one bothered it. Hope you had a good trip.” I did not hear back from him, but a few days later texted again: “Sorry we have not had a chance to connect lately. I see you getting into your car to go to work, or when you come home. Hope we can get together to chat soon.” Still no reply.

Not long afterward, I decided to call Henry to let him know that my wife and I were going out of town and ask if he would return the favor of keeping an eye on our house in our absence. When a female voice answered, I asked if it was my neighbor’s wife, “Cathy.” “No,” she replied. “Who is this?” I explained I was trying to call my neighbor.

“Well, this isn’t his phone any longer,” the female voice responded. “When Henry changed jobs, I took over his old job and inherited his work phone.” I later got my neighbor’s correct phone number, but reflecting on the earlier texts I had sent, wondered what the woman receiving them must have been thinking: “I kept an eye on your house…hope you had a good trip.” “I see you getting into your car…when you come home….” Wow! Did the woman, whom I did not know, think I was some kind of stalker?

I would like to think such confused communications are rare, but suspect they are becoming all too common in this digital age when we hastily send out texts, emails and messages almost without thinking. This brings to mind some of the perils of careless communications that date back even to biblical times:

Too many words, not enough careful consideration. We hear it on talk shows, in news reporting, and everywhere on social media – people being too eager to speak and not as eager to consider the impact of what they are about to say. “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise” (Proverbs 10:19).

Too much speaking, not enough listening. It has been said that many people no longer listen to what others have to say; they only wait until the other person becomes quiet so they can start talking again. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” (James 1:19).

Too much hurt, not enough healing. With the mass of communication bombarding us in every possible way, there is bound to be injury inflicted whether intended or not. Most of us must learn to become as eager to apologize, even admit, “I’m sorry,” when communication errors occur, as we are to express what we are thinking. “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18).

© 2020. Robert J. Tamasy has written numerous books, including Marketplace Ambassadors: CBMC’s Continuing Legacy of Evangelism and Discipleship; Business at Its Best: Timeless Wisdom from Proverbs for Today’s Workplace; Tufting Legacies;The Heart of Mentoring, coauthored with David A. Stoddard; and has edited other books. Bob’s biweekly blog is: www.bobtamasy.blogspot.com.

Reflection/Discussion Questions

  1. Have you ever experienced – either as sender or recipient – an awkward, even embarrassing error in the course of trying to communicate with someone else? If so, were there any repercussions?
  2. What are some of the new problems in communicating with others that have been born as a result of so-called advancements in communication technology and strategies? How have they affect you or others in your workplace?
  3. How – in an age when words seem to have become more abundant than ever – can we learn to exercise more control and restraint over what we communicate – and how?
  4. For many people, among the most difficult words to say are, “I’m sorry.” How difficult is it for you to admit when you have been wrong, even when the offense was not intentional? Why do you think it is so hard for people to apologize and admit their wrongs in what they have said?

NOTE: If you have a Bible and would like to read more consider the following passages:

Proverbs 10:20-21, 11:13, 12:13, 13:3, 15:1,4, 16:21, 18:21, 21:23


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