當逆境來襲時,你的心理韌性如何?──WHEN ADVERSITY STRIKES, HOW RESILIENT ARE YOU?

俗話說:「每個人的人生都會經歷波折。」這樣說太輕描淡寫了。有時,小波折會變成一場全面又巨大並且持續許久的風暴。毫無疑問的,我們所有的人都必須時常面對逆境,有時只是煩惱,有時會是重大危機。唯一的問題是,當逆境出現時,我們要如何面對和處理它?

溝通專家、作家和領導力教練提姆·凱特(Tim Kight)觀察到人們會以不同的方式面對逆境。他說:「有些人在逆境來臨之前就學會了韌性。」 「又有些人是因為逆境而學到韌性,但是還有一些人即使在逆境中也沒有學會韌性。重要的是:逆境是不可避免的,但是韌性卻是個人的選擇。」

凱特有著很好的觀點。我們知道有一天將會下雨,所以我們會買把傘。同樣地,逆境也總有一 天會來到。我們可以提前做好準備,在逆境來臨時設法面對;或是我們還頑固憤怒的反應,好像不應該有逆境一樣。

在我的生活和職業生涯中,經常會有各種意想不到的逆境。工作的挑戰和變革的來臨、財務的問題、家庭的問題、健康的問題,甚至是汽車總在不恰當的時候拋錨。但我對這些情況的反應並不總是相同。

早年,我天真地以為生活就像一條完全平坦且通暢的高速公路,所以當逆境來臨時,我對於交通擁堵、路面坑洞和必需繞道而行都沒有做好準備。但當我意識到自己和其他人一樣,都會遇到逆境,我就更能適應它,從過去的失敗學習如何面對全新的問題。多年的經驗教會了我預見並為逆境做準備的智慧。並不是去找它,而是承認逆境不可避免地會來,因此,我最好做足準備,如同凱特所說的那樣心理有韌性。

聖經中有許多關於逆境和韌性的經文,我們應該有智慧的把這些真理整理起來以備不時之需。以下是一些例子:

逆境可能有美好的意義。透過掙扎、痛苦和下定決心的過程,個人的成長和內在力量會隨著時間而增長。「不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的;因為知道患難生忍耐, 忍耐生老練,老練生盼望; 盼望不至於羞恥,因為所賜給我們的聖靈將 神的愛澆灌在我們心裏。」(羅馬書5章3-5節)。

逆境教導我們如何堅持不懈並永不放棄。生活的艱辛也許會讓我們感到挫折,甚至驅使我們想要放棄。但是,當我們面對與經歷「風暴」時,我們會發現堅持信念的價值以及隨之而來的回報。「我的弟兄們,你們落在百般試煉中,都要以為大喜樂;因為知道你們的信心經過試驗,就生忍耐。但忍耐也當成功,使你們成全、完備,毫無缺欠。」(雅各書1章2-4節)。

逆境可以強化信仰。當困難升高到我們無法理解的時候,它會讓我們把信仰轉向可以完全了解一切的那位。「你要專心仰賴耶和華,不可倚靠自己的聰明,在你一切所行的事上都要認定他,他必指引你的路。」(箴言3章5-6節)

© 2020. Robert J. Tamasy 是企業巔峰: 給今日職場從箴言而來永恆的智慧 一書的作者。也與導師之的作者David A. Stoddard 合著Tufting Legacies。編輯多本著作包括Mike Landry. Bob的書: 透過苦難成長。Mike Landry. Bob的網站為www.bobtamasy-readywriterink.com

反省與問題討論

  1. 當逆境來襲時,你通常會如何面對?你覺得自己多有「韌性」?
  2. 在逆境來臨之前學會有韌性是什麼意思?人要如何學習做到這一點?
  3. 想一想你是否曾經遇到過完全意想不到的逆境,但最後不僅存活了下來更有蓬勃發展的結果呢?那是什麼樣的情況,你從中學習到了什麼嗎?       
  4. 你是否試著在逆境中學習尋找意義,或學到面對逆境而得的人生課題呢?如果有,逆境教會了你關於信仰的那些事?

備註:如果你有聖經,想閱讀更多相關的經文,請參考:
以賽亞書26章3節
26:3 堅心倚賴你的,你必保守他十分平安,因為他倚靠你。
以賽亞書41章10節
41:10 你不要害怕,因為我與你同在;不要驚惶,因為我是你的 神。我必堅固你,我必幫助你;我必用我公義的右手扶持你。
耶利米書29章11節
29:11 耶和華說:我知道我向你們所懷的意念是賜平安的意念,不是降災禍的意念,要叫你們末後有指望。
耶利米書33章3節
33:3 你求告我,我就應允你,並將你所不知道、又大又難的事指示你。
哥林多後書12章7-10節
12:7 又恐怕我因所得的啟示甚大,就過於自高,所以有一根刺加在我肉體上,就是撒但的差役要攻擊我,免得我過於自高。
12:8 為這事,我三次求過主,叫這刺離開我。
12:9 他對我說:「我的恩典夠你用的,因為我的能力是在人的軟弱上顯得完全。」所以,我更喜歡誇自己的軟弱,好叫基督的能力覆庇我。
12:10 我為基督的緣故,就以軟弱、凌辱、急難、逼迫、困苦為可喜樂的;因我甚麼時候軟弱,甚麼時候就剛強了。
以弗所書3章20節
3:20  神能照著運行在我們心裏的大力充充足足地成就一切,超過我們所求所想的。


WHEN ADVERSITY STRIKES, HOW RESILIENT ARE YOU?

By Robert J. Tamasy

There is a saying, “Into every life, a little rain must fall.” What an understatement! Sometimes that “little rain” turns into a full-blown storm, one that hangs around for a while. Without a doubt we all have to face adversity from time to time, at times only an annoyance but other times a major crisis. The only questions are, when will it come – and how will be deal with it?

Communicator, author and leadership coach Tim Kight observes people respond to adversity in different ways. “Some learn resilience before adversity strikes,” he says. “Others learn resilience because of adversity, and still others fail to learn resilience, even in the midst of adversity. The bottom line: Adversity is inevitable – resilience is optional.”

Kight has a good point. We know it is going to rain some days, so we purchase an umbrella. Similarly, adversity will come our way. We can either prepare for it in advance, try to cope with adversity when it arrives, or we can react with stubbornness and anger, as if somehow we should be immune to it.

During my life and career, stranger has been a frequent visitor. Job challenges and changes; financial obstacles; family problems; health issues, even inopportune moments when the car breaks down. My response to these circumstances has not always been the same.

Early on, I naively thought life would be like a smooth highway, so when adversity came I was ill-prepared for its traffic jams, potholes and detours. Once I realized that like everyone else, I would confront times of adversity, I became more adaptable, learning from past failures how to deal with new problems. Years of experience have taught me the wisdom of anticipating and preparing for adversity – not seeking it out but acknowledging that inevitably, it will come. So I better be ready – and as Kight says, resilient.

The Bible has much to say about adversity and resilience, truths we would be wise to file away for future use. Here are some examples:

Adversity can serve a good purpose. Personal growth and inner strength are developed over time, through the process of struggle, pain and determination. “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us” (Romans 5:3-5).

Adversity teaches us how to persevere and not to quit. The hardships of life can discourage us, even tempting us to give up. But as we weather the “storms,” we discover the value of following through on our commitments – and the rewards that follow. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

Adversity builds trust. When difficult times come that we do not understand, it can cause us to turn in faith to the One who does understand. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

© 2021. Robert J. Tamasy has written Marketplace Ambassadors: CBMC’s Continuing Legacy of Evangelism and Discipleship; Business at Its Best: Timeless Wisdom from Proverbs for Today’s Workplace; Pursuing Life With a Shepherd’s Heart, coauthored with Ken Johnson; andThe Heart of Mentoring, coauthored with David A. Stoddard. Bob’s biweekly blog is: www.bobtamasy.blogspot.com.

Reflection/Discussion Questions

  1. How do you typically respond when times of adversity strike? How “resilient” would you say that you are?
  2. What does it mean to learn to be resilient even before times of adversity come? How does a person learn this?
  3. Think of a time you have confronted adversity that you did not expect, but managed not only to survive, but also to thrive as a result? What was that situation like – and what did it teach you?
  4. Have you learned to look for the purpose or teaching points behind encounters with adversity? What, if anything, has adversity taught you about faith?              

NOTE: If you have a Bible and would like to read more, consider the following passages: Isaiah 26:3, 41:10; Jeremiah 29:11, 33:3; 2 Corinthians 12:7-10; Ephesians 3:20


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